Alive

Feeling my lungs scream for air is how I know I am still breathing. Staying underwater until my vision goes spotty is how I know I can still see. Plugging my ears until I hear nothing is how I know I can still hear.

But you holding me close is how I know I am still living. Nothing makes me more alive like you do.

I could live my life with all my senses in tune, and all my organs performing perfectly. But is that really living?

Cause ever since I met you, living took on a new meaning.

Writing You.

I sat next to the door waiting for you to knock for three weeks straight. You never came. I don't know why it took me so long to accept the fact you were not coming back. But now I just want to understand why you never came.

Maybe you were scared. Or maybe you just didn't want to see me. But I can't forget the days we spent in that city. I won't let the memory of you slip from my mind. But maybe if I did I could live normal again. 

You gave me hope and promised me the world and I believed you. All the bridges I burned for you. All the people I left, you will never even know. 

What if you aren't even real. Just a creation of my lonely mind. I spent the season searching for you, and never found you. I don't know how you seemed so real and close. But maybe you were just lost, and didn't know the way back. And were looking in the wrong spot for me. 

I hope you are real. 

I hope you are looking for me the way I am looking for you. 

Maybe I need to find my self first. 

West.

Finding time to breathe has been hard lately. My mind constantly is drifting to that small lake high in the hills. I camped there alone next to the river. My tent touched the sand that slowly was dragged into the cold mountain water. The silence of the woods surrounding me not broken by machines or men.

I awoke to a glass lake everyday. Untouched by the land or man. I would slide a canoe into the icy water and paddle to the middle and watch the sun rise over the mountains. The golden light would warm my skin and fill me with the energy of a new day. 

But no longer do I awake to this peace. I don't feel the warm sun on my skin. I don't smell the trees and hear the world waking up. I awake to this so called higher standard of living. Where a human makes their way through life not by inspiration and originality. But by clinging to the social norm and acting as if this life we all live is natural. 

My heart longs for a world and a place that I can only temporarily have. A world where freedom takes on its literal meaning. Where a man is equal with what he lives among. Where no other creature judges you for who you truly are. Where no amount of money and fame can hide the true self. And I can no longer ignore this call of the mountain. This call of true living.   

I'm suffocating in this smog of what is now my life. 

And honestly I am just looking for a way to the air again. 

Love

I am in love with you. For every part of you. I will never stop. I do not think I could stop. My love is like a train right now and its moving to fast for me to even think of jumping off. I will never give up this love because I am scared of losing feelings again. Love is what differentiates me from the boring calculator in your backpack.

My love for you is consuming my thoughts, and for the first time I am ok with that. I feel the warmth of the sunlight once more, and the bitter bite of a cold day.

Winter and summer, Fall and Spring, Water and Ice, Fire and Steam. Before they were bland and dead. Now alive and full of color.
I can see the seasons and feel the change. I can smile at the rough and miserable days. I can smile and feel like life is really ok.

I am in love with you. And its out of control.

Being Human

I bleed red.

I think that alone is enough proof to prove I am a human.

                                     I dont dispute the fact that some of my habits are in fact robot like.

But I swear I really am a person.

My mother swears that I don't have a heart. But its been broken so I can confirm that I do.

I know I am a human. 

But how do I know you are to?