Fire

I can't remember how many times we hiked that same hill, or watched the sun set across the mountains. I can't remember how many times you fell asleep in my car on the ride home. 

I can't remember specific thoughts or even specific conversations. Not one stands out in my memory as something significant or great. 

I can't recall the money spent or the minutes past, Or dates or anniversaries that have past. I don't know the stats or the facts. 

But I can remember the feelings. 

I can remember the laughs and the cries. 

I can remember the feeling of being alive again. The feeling of a heart that not only beat in my chest but a heart that let out feelings. 

I can remember the way the light from the fire rolled across your face and the cracking of the burnt wood. The way your smell mixed with the smoke of the fire. And the way your eyes seemed to get brighter at night. 

I can remember you. You are just a memory now. That's what makes my heart hurt the most. 

Fear

I'm afraid of lightning. 

Its so unpredictable. Lightning chooses to strike at random, constantly touching down at different plots of earth. It burns the ground and leaves the land black and charred. The light is bright and it comes and goes so fast my eye can't keep up with it. 

Then right after the lightning strikes thunder echoes across the land, punishing my ears and breaking the silence that surrounds me. It cracks the earth and makes the ground shake underneath my feet. It spreads until it dies and then waits for another bolt of lightning to bring it alive again. 

I'm scared of lightning and thunder. Both remind me of you. And that's probably why it scares me. 

Real

I knew it was real when I could taste blood in my mouth.

The words we had been yelling weren't real to me, but some how the blood made it real.

The way it went from screaming to punching was quick and unexpected, but also natural. I could feel your knuckles smash into me as I threw fists back at you. And everything seemed slow and quiet in those moments.

My fists never looked the same since that night, the cut skin that bled slowly never healed right. It left little scars and rips that will never go away. I will carry the memory of you for the rest of my life on my hands.

Every time warm blood slips in my mouth I feel the sting of your hand on my cheek. If I could forget about that night I would; but honestly, it's the first time I ever lost a brother.

I don't think I'll ever forget that.